Fallen
by Just.A.Lovatic
Summary: Sonny's brightness doesn't run as deep as she lets on. She has a past of depression and even cutting, and now, with the desertion of the one person she truly loves, old habits have resurfaced. As fate has it though, that same true love of hers shows up at her doorstep, realizing his mistake, knowing he has hurt her more than it may appear. Sonny/Chad


This story is based off Demi Lovato's real life experience with cutting and depression via Sonny's character.

If you can tell, i started this story quite a while ago and i rediscovered it recently and completed it, so if you notice about halfway through the story that the writing style improves a lot, it's because that's where i picked up and finished it.

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Fallen

"Hey."

There he is just standing at my door. Like it's a completely normal visit and all the bad stuff never happened. Hey? How does he have the nerve to show up. Acting all normal! How dare he. Doesn't he know he broke my heart? Doesn't he know that the sight of him makes me feel every once of pain ive felt the past couple of weeks? What the hell is he doing at my door. He could have been with 'her'. By 'her' I mean that new model slut he's dating. The completely gorgeous one that I don't compare to. Why was he here when he could be with her?

"Chad." my mind is racing with so many thought that I'm lost for words. "What are you doing here?" I manage.

"Can I come in?" he asks innocently.

"Don't you have better places to be" I spit back at him without giving it a second thought. I know he could feel the bitterness in my remark and he took a step back.

"Sonny."

"What do you want?" I cry out sounding harsher than I intended.

"I came to…check up on you?" So that was it. I guess I knew, but I didn't think he really was here for that reason.

I'm not gonna lie, I have resulted to cutting to deal with the fact of Chad moving on. I know he is referring to that. He knew my ways. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction though. Letting him know the fact that I am so heartbroken over him and so depressed that I resulted to cutting. How dare he ask me this? He's so conceited and full of himself that he believes I would have one of my breakdowns just because I didn't have the luxury of Chad Dylan cooper. It was, however, one hundred percent true.

I immediately hide my wrists behind my back trying to be nonchalant about it. He notices. "You don't need to check up on me"

He tries to catch a glimpse of my hidden wrists and then looks into my eyes. He doesn't need a response, this eye contact speaks for him. He knows he has to check up on me. "I think I do"

I avoid his gaze. I'm not going to deny it because then he would go even more out of his way to prove he is right.

"Can I please come in?"

No! of course not. Can't he see that I don't want to be within 100 feet of him. Can't he see that the sight of him makes me want to vomit? Why would he even bother asking if he can come in? I should slam the door right in his face. I mean, that's what he deserves, but no. I'm a stupid girl who goes against her conscience even when I know I'm going to get hurt. Again.

"yeah" I whisper and step aside. He takes a second before coming in, probably in disbelief that I'm doing this for him.

He looks around as if it were the first time in my apartment. I can't think of what to say. He continued looking around while I tires to think of a way to break the tension.

"Did you leave something here?"

"Are you ok" he asks completely changing the subject. I guess he was waiting for me to break the silence.

"what?" I ask confused.

"You're not, are you?"

"Uh.."

"Is it my fault?"

Now he stops and waits for me to answer and now I don't want to.

"Sonny, I don't want you hurting all because of me?"

"Are you kidding me!" I finally spoke feeling the tears coming. "is That really how you see it? You only care about yourself? Not about what I'm going through, no. You care because it's your fault? Really?"

"Sonny, it's not like that."

"No, it is. Cause god forbid I couldn't have you!" I slowly pronounce through the forming tears. "Oh no. My life is over because I can't be with Chad Dylan cooper. However will I live my life?" I over exaggerate.

"I didn't mean that,"

"I'm sure," I spit sarcastically.

"I didn't. I just meant that it's ok if your not okay. You don't have to pretend like your fine, if your not. You can still talk to me, or someone."

"you selfish bastard." I whisper back crying. I can't even look at him anymore so I start walking in the opposite direction.

"Sonny!" He yelled in anger following me.

"Get out of here Chad! Ok? Go to hell! I really don't need you!" I yell at him.

"That's not what I'm saying!" he sounds as if he is crying too.

"that's all your saying!" I yell back.

"Ok look, I'm not trying to tell you that 'it's obvious your upset over me' I just mean…" he trails off and takes a deep breath. "I just mean if your hurting anything like the way I'm am, then I know it sucks and I just don't want you feeling that way at all."

"The way your hurting?" I ask.

"Yes sonny."

"I'm sure your doing just damn fine." I spit.

"Well I'm not, ok?"

I run over to the coffee table and grab my copy of Tween Magazine. I've been to the page I'm looking for so many times that I practically open right up to it. "Your not? You look perfectly happy to me!" I yell showing him the picture in the magazine. It's an article about Chad and his new girlfriend with a large candid photo in the center of the article of them holding hands and him kissing her cheek.

I could see the mortification register on his face and then he looked over with the saddest eyes ive ever seen. "Sonny…" he whispered. "Please let me explain."

"There's nothing you have to explain." I state

"but-" he starts.

"No. You said you came over to see to see if I was ok. Well…I'm ok!" I cry out making bizarre hand motions and walking around the room appearing clearly not fine.

He takes a deep breath and stands up finally catching his voice. "Sonny listen to me." he demands and I halt in my path, stunned by his new tone. "Are you honestly telling me you believe the crap they actually print in magazines? You, of all people?"

"There's a picture." I lamely reply before I realize how dumb of a response it is.

He stares at me knowing I must know how lame I sound. "Forget the fucking magazine sonny! Who fucking cares what's going on in my hell of a life?! Ok? Forget about me because I'm not here for me. I'm here for you."

"Why?"

"Because I wanna make sure your ok and your clearly not," he says through seething teeth.

"You can't tell me how I am." I say dismissing him and turning to leave the room.

Though not before he runs up behind me, grabs my scarred wrists, and turns me towards him.

"Look at you!" He yells holding up my wrists. "Your not ok!"

I stare at him in disbelief. Completely mortified by his action. My heart feels like it stopped. I need to run away. I need to hide. I need to…cut.

"Why the hell are you trying to ruin your life sonny?" he asks, but I'm too shaken up too even comprehend his question.

"God I mean seriously. Why?" he yells and throws my wrists down. I stand still not moving a single muscle. "I mean you have all these amazing things in your life. You have a job, you have money, you have people who love you! But your somehow convinced your life is a living hell? Well you know what? Maybe you should stop yelling at me because it sounds like you're the one making everything about you. You're the one whose too fucking selfish!" he screams in my face, not even considering his words.

He must recognize his mistake because I can his face drop and his eyes widen for the split second it takes me to turn around and run as quick as I can to my bathroom.

I latch the door and go for my razor. Where the hell is it. I cant think straight. I cant breathe. Where the hell is it?

I find it. I fling off the safety cap and move towards my wrist before I can think.

Not an inch away, there's a sudden and violent yank on my arm.

"No!" I scream

"Sonny let go!" comes a panicked voice. It's Chad.

"No!" I repeat thrashing around in his hold.

Unfortunately, he gets his other arm around my waist and I'm trapped in his embrace.

I scream. I thrash. I cry for him to let me go, but he won't.

As the tears finally start to spill, he works the razor from my hand and throws it across the room hitting the wall and quickly grasps a firmer hold of my body.

My body turns weak from sobbing and I lose the ability to stand, falling entirely into Chad's strength. Chad, whose body is visible shaking, succumbs as well and slowly sinks to the floor, but doesn't remove the slightest bit of the hold he has on me.

I continue to cry out for a long time, making no effort to control the sorrow I feel no matter how horrible I probably appear. But Chad holds me through it and not only that but he attempts to soothe me through my fit of rage.

"It's ok. I'm here. I've got you." he whispers repeatedly while stroking my hair and rubbing my side. "Shh" he tells me when my screaming starts up again. "It's ok."

But its not ok. No amount of acting skills can ever convince me that this moment is ok. It takes me a long time foe me to cry myself out and when I do I lay there lifeless, but Chad still refuses to let me go.

It gets to the point where I can start to feel my eyelids dropping with tiredness before he speaks up. "I'm sorry I didn't explain about Melissa." he begins. "I didn't think I needed to. I mean it's not like I was really ever spending much time with her, just in front of the cameras."

I become slightly confused by his confession, but I'm so drained out I could honestly care less about anything.

"You know how it is. My manager set me up with her. Said I needed to do it in order to 'save my career'. I'm falling apart sonny and just like I always do, I let the media control my life. We only went out a couple times. I was just expecting little articles in magazines or just to damn get everyone off my back. But then it was making front covers and I just…"

Why is he explaining her to me. Chad can do whatever the hell he wants. It's not like were together anymore. He doesn't have to justify himself, but I let him explain.

"I don't understand. No one approved of me and you but it's national news that I was seen with some whore. Why do they care so much about what we do?" he wonders aloud and I become confused by his words. I barely know what he's talking about anymore.

"I never ever wanted to hurt you Sonny. I made that my first priority that I would not hurt you. But I did. I let them control me and I did what I was trying so hard not to do," his voice catches.

"What are you talking about." I say my voice dry from screaming. "You never meant to hurt me and your just going to blame everything on publicity and the media? You cant just do that. You have to live up to your own actions."

"but its not my fault sonny. It's not!" he pleads.

"Oh really? You never meant to hurt me. Well what did you think you were doing when you left. You left. No one made you do that. That was the worst thing you could have done and guess what you did that all on your own."

He goes quite for a moment, but eventually clears his throat. "You know why I had to do that."

"You think so? Cause I don't. I needed you and you left and I have no idea why." I start to get worked up again and I try to control my breathing. "You think I'm crazy? Is that why?" I whisper.

"No." he says sternly. "Your not crazy." he pulls me closer to him. "Do you know how miserable I was making you. People were saying horrible things. They were coming up with the most horrific names to call you and it was because of me. My fans, reporters, they thought you were some appalling desperate slut who I was wasting my time with. They only thought that because you were with me. I just wanted to try to protect you."

"By what, leaving? That was the worst thing you could have done because leaving just confirmed what everyone thought. That you were wasting your time with me and then that you finally realized it and you left."

His back falls against the wall as he takes this in. "No. No sonny, I had to do that!"

"I don't care what they think of me. I don't care what they put in magazines or say on the news. I don't care what they think." I take a deep breath. "I only care what you think."

He considers this and lessens his grip on me, but I don't move. I don't have the strength. "Then you must think I'm a real asshole."

"That's what I keep telling myself"

"Sonny I don't know what to do." I can hear his voice catch again as he lets out a sob. I stay quite. "Sonny." he calls for me, but there's nothing I want to say. "I'm sorry"

"Your sorry?" I ask.

"All I ever do is mess everything up. And that's what I did. The one thing I really didn't want to mess up, and I did. I'm sorry."

"Its gonna take a lot more than 'I'm sorry.'"

"I know. Sonny, I know" he says. I stay quite again and I can feel him become agitated by my silence. "God sonny, look at me!" he says through his tears. I don't move. "Sonny!" he turns my shoulders and forces me to look at him. He looks about the same way I feel. "Tell me what I have to do."

"what you need to do?" I ask. He nods sternly. "what you need to do is…" he raises his eyebrows encouraging me to go on. I'm fully really to curse him out. To tell him that what he needs to do is go to hell and never speak to me again. But I cant. I cant because what I really need is him. I want him more than anything else in the world. Even if he is an asshole. Even if he doesn't deserve anything. I'm too weak to have him gone.

"Stay." I whisper back so low I'm not sure I even said it.

He removes his hands from my shoulders and wraps them around my back encircling me in a hug.

I slowly raise my arms and wrap them around his neck, returning the warm gesture.

"I love you." he whispers.

"I love you too." I manage to reply.

He rubs my back and lets out a relieved sigh. "I'm not gonna leave again."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

And maybe that's good enough for me. Because even if he did leave me once, I will never deserve him. And were more alike then we know. We've both fallen. We've both forgotten how to love. But maybe we can find our way back together and be happy again. Because in the end I really do need him and I know he needs me. And besides, he's certainly a better decision than the razor that was thrown across the room.


End file.
